Over the last year I’ve had this urge to DO stuff. Like arts and crafts, or sewing or something sort of creative. Trouble is I’ve got very low self-esteem and don’t really see myself as a creative person, but perhaps that’s just lack of trying.
There used to be a time when I’d write a lot. You know, in my teens, but perhaps that was just what every teenager does to try to deal with all the angst and horribilities (yes, I know that’s not a word) of life. And writing definitely helped me get over that heartbreaking event of getting dumped out of the blue and out in the open. Over time I just sort of stopped writing, perhaps it was partly due to more school work and writing essays and things that killed any aspirations to write in my spare time. There is a certain lack of imagination as well though, I’d always draw inspiration from my own life or dreams and there are only so many stories about teenage drama one can write. I’ve never been one to keep a diary either. There have been livejournals and different blogs and many actual diaries, but for some reason I’ve never been one to deal with my daily emotions in a way that would’ve kept me writing in diaries.
Around the same time as I wrote a lot, I also very much enjoyed sewing and knitting things. Sewing especially would mostly happen at school where there was proper equipment and good advice on offer. I never got along with my mum’s old Singer (that’s a sewing machine for those of you in the dark) and buying fabric always seemed so expensive that I’d rather spend my money on other things. I’ve knitted quite a few pairs of socks and gloves in my time though. I find knitting to be a nice thing you can do whilst doing other things, mainly watching TV or movies. That’s something I ventured in last year. I decided to knit a scarf for the boy. It turned out alright, but I completely miscalculated how much work it actually was, probably because of the lack of practice. It had easily been five years since I had last held the knitting needles. After finishing it (it didn’t turn out to be as long as I wanted it to but I ran out of time) I was so tired of knitting that I didn’t want to take up another project. And I still haven’t.
Regardless, here’s a photo of the finished scarf modeled by the boy himself.
There used to be a time when I’d write a lot. You know, in my teens, but perhaps that was just what every teenager does to try to deal with all the angst and horribilities (yes, I know that’s not a word) of life. And writing definitely helped me get over that heartbreaking event of getting dumped out of the blue and out in the open. Over time I just sort of stopped writing, perhaps it was partly due to more school work and writing essays and things that killed any aspirations to write in my spare time. There is a certain lack of imagination as well though, I’d always draw inspiration from my own life or dreams and there are only so many stories about teenage drama one can write. I’ve never been one to keep a diary either. There have been livejournals and different blogs and many actual diaries, but for some reason I’ve never been one to deal with my daily emotions in a way that would’ve kept me writing in diaries.
Around the same time as I wrote a lot, I also very much enjoyed sewing and knitting things. Sewing especially would mostly happen at school where there was proper equipment and good advice on offer. I never got along with my mum’s old Singer (that’s a sewing machine for those of you in the dark) and buying fabric always seemed so expensive that I’d rather spend my money on other things. I’ve knitted quite a few pairs of socks and gloves in my time though. I find knitting to be a nice thing you can do whilst doing other things, mainly watching TV or movies. That’s something I ventured in last year. I decided to knit a scarf for the boy. It turned out alright, but I completely miscalculated how much work it actually was, probably because of the lack of practice. It had easily been five years since I had last held the knitting needles. After finishing it (it didn’t turn out to be as long as I wanted it to but I ran out of time) I was so tired of knitting that I didn’t want to take up another project. And I still haven’t.
Regardless, here’s a photo of the finished scarf modeled by the boy himself.
Since this post is going all over the place anyway, here’s a little quote from the boy too, in relation to the above linked Sartorialist post. Just because I find it funny.
‘i have no idea how these people are sartorialist worthy
this is just like
me
but with a silly knot for the scarf’
During my IB times I sort of re-invented myself and was pretty active in school plays and happenings. I suppose after going through middle school in the shadow of my wildly more popular and beautiful BFF I felt the need to be out there, loud, noticed and liked. I pretty much managed to do that too. Kitchen psychology aside, I managed to channel my need to create into different school projects, some that I enjoyed far more than others. There was also a short lived covers band, that was in all honestly totally rubbish. Still, things were done and creative needs were pretty much satisfied.
Enter university, where everything ends. The start of university was a weird time. I moved away from everyone I knew to another country and had to learn to rely on myself and myself alone in life. Suddenly there was no time for anything other than studying, drinking or msn. Although, the first year or two at university I did write a heck of a lot, but most of it would be on msn and the rest would be split between livejournal and essays. Hardly anything was made up. I watched a lot more films than I’d ever watched before, though. Suddenly I knew people with amazing DVD libraries and interest in film. I’d always been interested in film but with the excuse of lack of money (such as with most things in life) never got into cinema in the way I would’ve liked to. So I caught up on loads of films, went to the cinema nearly weekly and I suppose watching other people’s art sort of made up for not creating anything myself.
I still thought about doing things myself and one Christmas brought back my knitting needles from Finland but it never led to actual knitting. I also bought a badge making machine with a friend but that never led to anything on my part. I did make a couple of cards and presents to people, but nothing much. However, I suppose I sort of channeled that creative energy to cooking. One of the good things that come from living on your own, or even with other people is that you get to choose what you eat. And unless you’re cooking with someone, you don’t need to restrict yourself with other people’s tastes. I was pretty content whilst at uni anyway, perhaps because free time was sort of limited and when there was any spare time, something would always be on.
As a little taster of what I did do whilst at university, here’s a birthday video me and the boy made for our friend John. (I do take about third of the credit for this, even though the boy did all the filming and editing etc.) It’s a million times better with sound, but you know how youtube is with copyrights. It also shows yours truly making a photo album for another friend who actually happens to share a birthday with John. Look at me doing things!
The whole point of this post originally was that I wanted to share with you that I feel the need to create things. I suppose it’s a combination of being unemployed at the moment and also being in England. I’m most comfortable with myself when in England and I suppose that sort of frees up emotional space for wanting to do things. Or something. And now I’ll go off on a tangent.
Once I got over the first shock of moving to another country I’ve pretty much always felt happiest and most happy with myself in England. There was a conversation with some friends once about re-inventing oneself and how that often happens when you go to university and how it’s important that it happens and so on. During that conversation I maintained that because I changed schools between middle school and the IB I didn’t have to re-invent myself anymore when I came to university. But I did, or at least I grew to be me. And still, there’s a difference between me in Finnish and me in English. I tie it to the language I speak, not necessarily to the physical surroundings.
This post feels like one big side-track. ANYWAY, after I made the Lego ring featured in a post some time ago I got very excited and realised I could actually do things. I have also recently started reading Philippa Rice’s magnificient webcomic My Cardboard Life and it’s made me wonder why couldn’t I do something like that. And there is no reason. I won’t do my own comic, but it has made me realise that there are a lot of possibilities in the world of arts and crafts and I really should start doing things. Step one will be getting over that money excuse. Step two will be creating things. I’ll keep updating the blog with things if I do end up making something. Perhaps I’ll need to change the header of the blog to ‘Whining and Dining and Making’. Maybe not just yet though.
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