Porn and Sex and Feminism and STUFF

I wrote this post and it turned out to be quite personal and I almost decided not to post it at all. However, I decided I would and now I would like to say that whatever I've said here is based on the few pieces of writing I link to in this post and also conversations with friends over the years and personal experiences. I don't mean to generalise, so if and when I do, bear in mind I don't mean to.

I got a bit distracted whilst writing (well, pretending to write) my dissertation and read a couple of articles and blogposts that were all interlinked. It all started with an article the 'girl with a one-track mind' had written. She was talking about female sexuality and male dominated world etc. You know, sort of feminist stuff.

Now, if you know me at all, you'll know that I find much of feminism a bit bollocks (well, not bollocks, it just seems to go a bit too far at times, I believe in equality) and when it comes to sex related issues and such, well, I quite like watching porn. However, it was only when I read this blog post, that I realised that it is only really certain stuff that I like watching and I found that I too, have become somewhat conditioned to adapting certain expectations about sex. I mean fantasies and such, that have rather clearly, now that I think about it, been affected by things I've watched, read etc. Even by an ex-boyfriend, who in turn, I think was basing most of his assumptions about sex and what women want on the porn he had seen. In the middle of all of this I'm wondering what it is that I really like, and had I been exposed to different stuff, would I then like different things.

Anyway, to come back to the point I wanted to talk about, the articles, blog posts and such only just really made me realise how much of porn is made for the male audience and is enforcing images and ideas of male domination especially in sex. The Ms. Naughty blog, I think really made this point well. This is what she said: 'I make porn sites for women. I'm trying to cater to the millions of female surfers that go online every day trying to find something that will turn them on. I spend my days trying to find hardcore adult material that women will enjoy, and trying to present it to women in a manner that they will find accessible, arousing and inoffensive.' Now, obviously people like different things and you can't really generalise too much, but much of the porn (that I've come across) is empowering men and presenting women as being there for the pleasure of men. Ms. Naughty continues: 'Never mind if there's been no female orgasm (and I'm talking vaguely real ones here, not the 15 minute endless moany fake ones), in porn the money shot is the official end of sex.' (Oh I wish my dissertation was on something like this as opposed to what it's actually on.) Having thought about this, I realised that I very much like porn where the female orgasms look real. And no, I'm not turned on by lots of cum all over the place.

This all also reminded me of a conversation I once years ago now, (it must have been about 3 years ago) with a friend of a friend who was moaning about not liking anal, having a boyfriend who wanted it, liking to watch porn but not wanting to watch anal stuff, and most of the porn she could find (this was by browsing the internet, and sex stores etc. she'd done a rather thorough search) had anal stuff in it. Or as she pointed out, much of what she'd seen, she disliked because of the rather obvious faking by the women. I think porn poses "problems" for the female viewer as well, on the side of men getting "wrong" ideas about sex and sexuality on the bases of watching porn, also women can be conditioned to the idea that when having sex their only object is pleasing the man. It doesn't matter if she doesn't enjoy it, she might even fake her orgasms just to keep the man happy, and I might be wrong, but this can be due to the image of what sex is and should be like that we get from porn.

Oh there's so much I want to talk about. When it comes to men being empowered by porn there's also an example I want to draw from a blog I've been reading, written by a woman about her sexlife. (I won't link you to it because it's in Finnish.) I quite like it and I think she has a rather healthy attitude to her sexuality and she knows what she wants and all that. But still, she writes about how she likes men taking her hard, "raping" her and I think that again is an example of how, even though porn can empower women, and mostly I'd like to say that she's a good example of women being empowered by porn, but then at times she manages to lose that position of being equal in sex by subjecting herself to the man in question. I like her blog, it's just the usage of the verb "to rape" that really puts me off. I think that is where she stops being equal, let alone in power and is merely used by the men who "rape" her. If you know what I mean.

Now, I don't think porn should be banned or anything, porn can be a good thing. And as Zoe Margolis said: 'But banning it will achieve nothing because it's just a symptom of a wider-ranging sexism in society, rather than the cause of it. Porn doesn't become mainstream in a vacuum.' And I'm not going to suggest how things could be changed, I don't have the answers. But I hope, that this'll make some of you think about things. This may also be a bit incoherent and rant-y, I really should proof read these things, but then who cares. And I don't know if anyone actually reads this either. Comments are very welcome.

Post Scriptum: What really sparked me to write this was me getting furious because of the "harvesting" by footballers. Read about it here.

Christmas

I'm starting to be pretty fed up with christmas. I started to be pretty fed up already before CHRISTMAS to be honest. Once again most of my friends and family were stressing over what to give and for whom etc. I find all that so ridiculous. Well, maybe that's a bit too harsh a word, but there's just way too much stress with the whole gift giving stuff.

This year, I again decided not to give anything to anyone, with the exception of the boyfriend, but things I got for him were for his birthday and christmas jointly. And I wasn't expecting to get much myself, however I did end up having more than I thought I would. Although it was mainly money. BUT to be honest, I think people should give more money than things. I mean, what's the point in getting your middle-aged parents/aunts/uncles etc. things that they'll say they love but really don't need nor want. People have too much stuff anyway. (I'm not trying to say I don't have too much stuff, but I'm happy enough not to get more stuff because most of the presents I get I get from Finland and I've made it clear that I DO NOT want any stuff because I can't take much stuff with me to England.) But really, even though giving money might seem a bit unimaginative or even cold, at least for me, being a student it is always welcome. And for someone who already has everything, at least money might not be completely wasted. If nothing else, they can use it to buy a nice bottle of wine.

Hmm, I have a feeling this is all mindless ranting again and doesn't make much sense. Oh my.

I find that I don't really enjoy christmas as much anymore. I think it's because of the stress surrounding it. This year it's been especially bad, partly because of the unbearable stress of uni work on top of the normal christmas stress. But really, I think that christmas should be just being with family and friends, not having to worry about anything. And to be honest, it did happen this year and it was nice (the best part was (as always) having drinks with my sister and parents after everyone's gone and just chilling.) There weren't too much presents and there wasn't too much stressing and it was all rather painful. But also, I don't really understand why does it have to go on for three days. Two is fine, our family at least has grown too big to see all at once, but really, after two days we've all seen each other enough already.

I think this is enough now. Don't have much more to say. Maybe to conclude... one of the best presents I've ever had was a towel from my aunt and uncle, they gave towels for everyone, they had named them and it was good. It was so simple, practical and HOME MADE. Also, my sister this year gave chocolate covered Rice Crispies to people and it was good too, we made them ourselves (I was helping her out) and they were all eaten and they were good. Really, there's no need to spend so much. Why, oh why, do people feel the need to spend so much? And to be frank, it's not only around christmas time, people spend too much anyway.

One more thing, apparently this year there was a growing interest (in Finland) to give "ethical" presents (not that I know of anyone who did). By ethical, I mean donating money to charities and thus giving a goat, or a cow, or a well in someone else's name to people in developing countries. I think this is a wonderful idea, and I would've loved it had someone put the money they used for my present towards buying a goat or whatever. Because really, I don't need anything.

I hope everyone's had a lovely and stress-free christmas. And to clarify, I do like getting presents, I just think that a good present is one that's not been bought under pressure because you have to give something for someone for christmas. I'd much rather get a random present at a random time of year just because someone thought that'd be something I'd really like. If you know what I mean.

Crash

I recently watched Crash again. I really don't like it, but as it was on TV I wanted to watch it again so that I could properly make my mind up. It seemed odd to me why I'm not a big fan of it while so many people are. Not to mention it won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 2005 (although people thought it would go to Brokeback Mountain, another film that I really didn't like).

Anyway, my dislike was clear to me from the first few minutes onwards. I just hate it how it is so in-your-face telling you what to think. The racial stereotypes to me seem so glued on and again, in your face that it just really annoys me. I'd quite like the story if it wasn't so bound to the race of the characters. Maybe it just shows that I'd rather close my eyes than see the way things are, if that's the case, then be it I don't care. I think that the movie could've been as appreciated and maybe even more so, if it was a bit more subtle and left the viewer to realise certain things. This is the problem with some Hollywood films, as they're usually viewed as movies that are meant to entertain, I feel that they sometimes explain everything so that people can go and watch it and come out of the cinema possibly feeling entertained but not having gained anything from it. If you know what I mean. I'm sorry for the generalisations.

I should've written this immediately after watching the film because I now find it hard to gather my thoughts and write anything coherent. I just feel like ranting about it.

Another thing about it is that when I first saw it in the cinema, my friend said it was kind of like 21 Grams but not as good. (I think that I should say here that also 21 Grams to me is over-rated, it's good but not amazing. Out of Iñárritu's movies Amores Perros is clearly the best one.) I can see where he came from with the comment, I feel like Crash tries to find a balance between being a Hollywood film whilst trying to be arty and stuff. I think it doesn't pull it off really well. Now I don't know much of actual cinematic terms and all that, but it does the annoying blurring of city lights a lot and I find it to be well pretentious. There are other things too, but that's the one that especially annoys me. The score is also rather sentimental, which I suppose supports the story, but it's the kind that is just telling the viewer what to think and how to feel all the time. This again adds to the film telling you what to think and feel rather than leaving you to think for yourself. And it is annoying.

When it comes to the story, as I said before, I think it has potential. And the story of the locksmith and his family is one of my favourites ever, the bit where his daughter gets shot (don't watch the clip if you've not seen the movie and intend to see it) is one of my favourite scenese ever, but then this is I suppose because it appeals to my emotions. Also, I somehow find it credible and I think that eventhough there are racial prejudice in play here as well, they're not as in your face as in the other stories. Altogether, I just feel that they don't have to emphasise the racial prejudices/roles as much. Pff, is all I have to say.

First

Right, lately I've been getting really angry/frustated over things and I figured maybe it was about time for me to start a proper blog. As in one where I'll just have rants about things (obviously that's the definition of a "proper" blog). This all may end up sounding really quite pretentious, but then, no one is telling you to read this if you don't like it. Please do comment, the first proper post will hopefully be up here around mid-December, at the moment I'm trying to meet the deadlines for my essays so don't really have time to write anything else. This will not be the most serious of blogs, this is just a place for my to write my thoughts.

I may end up writing about food too, because, well, I like food.